The struggles of a father trying to see his daughter.

After about 3 and a half years I was finally able to see my daughter! My breath was taken away at the sight of her. She is so tall, tan skin, long beautiful black hair and just so beautiful. I was expecting the little girl that I saw several years ago. I wanted to scoop her up and just hold her and kiss her but I didn't want to freak her out. She was very pleasant. She told me about her friends, her "boy teacher" and and all her cousins. Her favorite color is teal blue! She loved the Elves Legos I got her and was fascinated by the picture album I gave her to show her that I and my wife and her brothers have seen her before. We built Legos together and then played a board game. And just like that my time with her was over. I hugged her so hard and kissed her. She hugged me back. I can still feel her now hugging me. 

I am a father to two other boys. I am a full time student and stay at home dad. My wife is an ER nurse. All I want is to be able to see my daughter during the summers and holidays. Can you imagine what it is like to have someone try to take your parental rights away from you because you have Post-traumatic Stress?!?!?! Do you know how I feel seeing my daughter and having her taken away from me until a psychologist or a judge renders me the opportunity to see her again? I spent $2500 today to be grilled by a child psychologist today. I spent hundreds of dollars today for the MMPI test for myself and my wife. I also took a bunch of other test like the ink blot test and to see whether I was an avid alcoholic or habitual drug user or a criminal. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am none of the above. 

The problem here is that her mother is uncomfortable with having anybody else influence my daughter because of her own insecurities. However, to my face she will say that she tells my daughter, "your daddy is a hero in the Army." And tells me to my face that she is not trying to keep my daughter away from me but goes to court and has her lawyer file a motion to rescind my rights as a father because I have PTS. Is that not a liar or what? I am so sickened by this whole situation. My two boys love me deeply and I love them just as much as I love my daughter. I have spent over $12,000 fighting fory rights as a father. Does anybody else see what the hell is wrong with that?! I have paid child support since since it was settled in court many years ago and I have not missed a payment. And since my injury in Afghanistan by a grenade in 2011, my daughter has received additional funds by way of SSDI. 

So why can't I see my daughter? When her mother told me she was getting married, I said that was great but do not ask me to sign over my rights as a father. She promised me to my face she wouldn't. Another lie. I am disgusted by the fact that her words do not align with her actions. All I know is that the judge told her lawyer I will see my daughter. Until that time I guess I will just continue to pay money and fight for my daughter. 

I just can't imagine how many fathers are out there going through this. I am retired Army and the only reason I can afford this battle is because my wife is an awesome nurse. How could I afford this on retirement and VA alone?!?!? Impossible!!! How many fathers have given up their fight for their children because they couldn't afford the expenses of this legal system?!?!?! It's broken! Hello?!?!?! Do you guys not see this?!?! I am a father pursuing a relationship with his daughter while other women take their children's fathers to court and get nothing. Not a penny. This is wrong.

To my daughter,

You my dear are so beautiful. I know that soon enough we will be spending some quality time with one another! I can't wait for us to develop an awesome relationship. Your brother love you and ask about you daily. You mean to me what words can not express and when you left the office to day my heart was broken. And as I write this with tears pouring down my face, know that I love you sooooooooo much. All the words in the world can not express the emotions I am going through right now. My heart is heavy and empty because you are missing. But I will see you and show you my love soon. 

I love you my beautiful daughter. I will see you soon,

Love Daddy.