The struggles of a father trying to see his daughter.

After about 3 and a half years I was finally able to see my daughter! My breath was taken away at the sight of her. She is so tall, tan skin, long beautiful black hair and just so beautiful. I was expecting the little girl that I saw several years ago. I wanted to scoop her up and just hold her and kiss her but I didn't want to freak her out. She was very pleasant. She told me about her friends, her "boy teacher" and and all her cousins. Her favorite color is teal blue! She loved the Elves Legos I got her and was fascinated by the picture album I gave her to show her that I and my wife and her brothers have seen her before. We built Legos together and then played a board game. And just like that my time with her was over. I hugged her so hard and kissed her. She hugged me back. I can still feel her now hugging me. 

I am a father to two other boys. I am a full time student and stay at home dad. My wife is an ER nurse. All I want is to be able to see my daughter during the summers and holidays. Can you imagine what it is like to have someone try to take your parental rights away from you because you have Post-traumatic Stress?!?!?! Do you know how I feel seeing my daughter and having her taken away from me until a psychologist or a judge renders me the opportunity to see her again? I spent $2500 today to be grilled by a child psychologist today. I spent hundreds of dollars today for the MMPI test for myself and my wife. I also took a bunch of other test like the ink blot test and to see whether I was an avid alcoholic or habitual drug user or a criminal. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am none of the above. 

The problem here is that her mother is uncomfortable with having anybody else influence my daughter because of her own insecurities. However, to my face she will say that she tells my daughter, "your daddy is a hero in the Army." And tells me to my face that she is not trying to keep my daughter away from me but goes to court and has her lawyer file a motion to rescind my rights as a father because I have PTS. Is that not a liar or what? I am so sickened by this whole situation. My two boys love me deeply and I love them just as much as I love my daughter. I have spent over $12,000 fighting fory rights as a father. Does anybody else see what the hell is wrong with that?! I have paid child support since since it was settled in court many years ago and I have not missed a payment. And since my injury in Afghanistan by a grenade in 2011, my daughter has received additional funds by way of SSDI. 

So why can't I see my daughter? When her mother told me she was getting married, I said that was great but do not ask me to sign over my rights as a father. She promised me to my face she wouldn't. Another lie. I am disgusted by the fact that her words do not align with her actions. All I know is that the judge told her lawyer I will see my daughter. Until that time I guess I will just continue to pay money and fight for my daughter. 

I just can't imagine how many fathers are out there going through this. I am retired Army and the only reason I can afford this battle is because my wife is an awesome nurse. How could I afford this on retirement and VA alone?!?!? Impossible!!! How many fathers have given up their fight for their children because they couldn't afford the expenses of this legal system?!?!?! It's broken! Hello?!?!?! Do you guys not see this?!?! I am a father pursuing a relationship with his daughter while other women take their children's fathers to court and get nothing. Not a penny. This is wrong.

To my daughter,

You my dear are so beautiful. I know that soon enough we will be spending some quality time with one another! I can't wait for us to develop an awesome relationship. Your brother love you and ask about you daily. You mean to me what words can not express and when you left the office to day my heart was broken. And as I write this with tears pouring down my face, know that I love you sooooooooo much. All the words in the world can not express the emotions I am going through right now. My heart is heavy and empty because you are missing. But I will see you and show you my love soon. 

I love you my beautiful daughter. I will see you soon,

Love Daddy.

The Last Day

So Tuesday my baseline was way off. Memorial Day is a very rough day because it's meant to be reflective NOT HAPPY. I drank that evening so obviously Tuesday morning I was not at 100%. I'm thankful that we did not have to perform that day as I was not ready. I did feel good as the class went on especially after our exercises.

Today was the last day of class:( I thoroughly enjoyed this class and learned a few things.
1. Warming up for everything that I do is important.
2. Stage fright is non-existent when well  prepared.
3. Yoga is great for my back and mobility.
4. I really can act!
5. Shannon Ivey is the passionate and awesome and genuinely cares for us Vets as she does all people.

I loved this class and wished it was longer.

We performed today and I was able to pull the scene with Madi. While practicing, I kept jacking up my lines, but I got it!!! It was awesome.

Now I'm in Austin Airport awaiting my flight to Atlanta to head to mediation. After approximately 2 years, I'm finally going to establish my rights as a father to to my eldest. I have not seen my daughter in 3 years!!! I pray that I may see her tomorrow after mediation is done. I'll keep you guys posted! Wish me luck!

Memorial Day...

Timothy D. Sayne
Joseph Fenty
David Timmons
Terry Lynch
Brian Moquin
Brian Bradbury
Patrick Lybert
Jared Monti
Wakkuna Jackson
Christophe Marquis
Benjamin D. Keating
Justin O'Donohue
Nicholas Bernier

Bryan A. Devlin

Sean Dadaian
Greg Gorski


My mind is pretty cloudy right now as I just finished balling my eyes out. Memorial Day...it's one of the hardest fucking days I live through year after year. My oldest son thought I was laughing and then realized I was crying. He kind of helped me out of it through his innocence.

"What's wrong Daddy?"

"A lot of Daddy's friends died."

I can't even think of everybody right now...I guess I'll edit it as I remember. The top ones are KIA. The second half died in vehicle accident like Devlin who was my best friend and roommate from basic until we went our separate ways after our first tour in Afghanistan together. He knew my family and we spent so much time together. He died doing the only thing he to cope with his life...drinking and riding fast.

Patrick Lybert

Greg coped with his PTSD in the worst way possible. His funeral was tough but I was able to catch up with almost the entire A Trp 2nd PLT 5-1 CAV RSTA 1-25 SBCT 25 ID. That was a well needed bonding session with my boys. Dadaian lost his battle with PTSD.

Justin O'Donohue

Christophe Marquis

David Timmons

Sean p. Dadaian

MOH Jared C. Monti

Greg Gorski

Wakkuna Jackson

Col. Joseph Fenty

Terry Lynch

Timothy D. Sayne 

There's so much to write but I need to call a friend right now to make sure he's ok on this day. I just called and no answer. I hope he didn't change his number because it went to an automated voicemail instead of his actual voice. He's been roughing it since he got out the Army and I worry about him. I may not be a Medic anymore but I still care deeply for all my guys and will forever be their "Doc."

Just talked to my buddy I was worried about. He's good. He just woke up from his security job and he is doing well.

Sugar

I was dreading the two days of no sugar. I started off strong! No coffee creamer, ate hard boiled eggs, limited my carbs but...I was angry as hell. Super irritable. I was silently cursing Shannon's challenge. I did well and ate a tuna salad for lunch and had a Paleo taco salad for dindin. Later I got hungry and had a protein shake but that didn't help. I eventually gave in and ate some biscotti cookies with a few grams of sugar in it. Sorry, Shannon but I suck at dieting. I guess I don't have the discipline to carry it out. One of these days I will better my diet. I don't know why it's such a damn near impossible task for me to eat healthy?! I hate that I have barely any self-discipline when it come to food.

I did promise myself that I would be in the best shape of my life at age 30 (which I turned earlier this year). I have to eat to perform, I know I do. So why can't I just do it? I know the history behind sugar and major health issues began occurring in association with the demand for sugar. I guess it really is an addiction as Shannon my professor said. When I began Whole 30 a few months ago, after I went through the "detox" phase I felt great but I just don't see myself eating like a a carnivorous rabbit for the rest of my life.

This was me when I was still active duty in Nov 2012 I think. 184 lbs.

This is me now. About 175 lbs.

I lost weight and am way more athletic than I was ever before thanks to a challenge from my best friend and Team Red, White, and Blue. If I could just have enough discipline to eat to perform, I would be an animal! I need to hold myself accountable and just do it.

Gotta dig deep...

Ok so the David Ives's play got throw out the window! It's cool though because Madi had most of the lines and I had a bunch of one-liners and it was way too long. Shannon gave us the bedroom fight scene from Goodwill Hunting. I effing love that movie. It's such an amazing script! And the movie makes you really dig deep down and explore your own soul. Anyways, we are going to have to work hard on this one. It's going to take both of digging deep to bring our characters to life through our fight scene. Don't have time to write much today as I need to be nose deep into that script right now. G-d help me be off-book by tomorrow!

Ok had to come back and add this in...My dog must thinking I'm loosing my mind. I'm practicing the script, waving my hands while yelling and cursing, and she's looking at me like wtf?! She just got up and left her chair in my office. I tried to tell her it was ok and that Daddy was just acting. I guess Daisy thinks I suck that bad:)

Pain

Today, I started off with back pain and one of the exercises that I was doing for my partner killed me. I was super tight to the point where I was walking a little crooked. But when it was my turn to go through the relaxing exercise at the hands of my partner, I arose with the pain gone! I am so thankful that Shannon had us do those exercises because I deal with back pain so much and I am really tired of being in constant pain.

Anyways today I performed my monolog from Empire. I was told I did awesome so I hope to improve it even more for next weeks performance for faculty. My 5 other classmates did well too! Now we are going to work on our partner scenes. Madi is my partner and we almost chose a scene with a kiss involved but I don't think my wife would like that! I guess I could ask her just to see. I did mention it at the gym to her in a comical way and she was responded like, "Yea ok! That's not going to happen." LOL I'm laughing as I'm writing this. I wish you all could have seen her face!

The scene is from David Ives's Vanda in Fur. I'll be playing the director and Madi will play Vanda. It's the opening scene with out the opening monolog from the director and without Vanda's last comment before she leaves the studio after her disastrous non-existent audition. Should be fun!

Real

Finally, while practicing my Empire monolog, I had a real moment. I actually felt my character and it was pretty cool. I felt him trying to explain about money through me to the audience. I physically got hot as if I was trying to explain something to someone who just didn't get it. I practiced with my wife several times and then headed to my neighbor's. I messed up the first time for him but nailed it the second time. I don't think he was expecting the profanity because he asked me about it. I explained to him that it's from the movie and he was like, "Oh ok, the profanity makes it more real." I pray tomorrow it feels real again and I have an outstanding performance.

While working on our monologs today I tried to act like I had been shot in the head and that didn't work. So then I was asked to act like I got hit in the chest by a bullet and it must have been so terrible because my professor nixed it completely (lol) and said, "Just act like you're looking at your dead body."

Mmmm PB&J

So I gave up my coffee creamer today. Usually I get upset if I go to have coffee and am out of creamer. However, since I gave it up voluntarily or should I say I was volun-told (by Shannon my Professor), I wasn't thrown in to a shabtastic (shabby) mood. I drank my black coffee like I was back in Afghanistan. It was good. I probably should leave the sugar-filled creamer out my life! BUT....it taste soooo gooood! Something I will have to contemplate further.

This morning along with my black coffee I ate a PB&J and also ate one for lunch. For some reason they have been extra tasting since my acting class started. Maybe it's the discovery of the honey flavored PB!?!?! Probably. Anyways, I'm looking forward to my sammich after yoga on Monday:) My wife made yellow rice, chicken and beans  for dinner. Thanks babe!

Ok so reading my monologue from Empire, I'm digging it. I like that I get to play a business man in the business of drugs in NYC who is latino as I am also latino and born in Brooklyn. If you haven't seen the movie, I encourage you to see it. It's one of my faves along with A Bronx Tale. Now to memorize it. This may be very challenging as I do have mTBI from Afghanistan. I'm sure I will pull it off. 

(Class Specific)

Character name: Victor Rosa
Where is he from? East New York
Who is he? An entrepreneur. A businessman. A latino drug dealer.
Setting? The afterlife? The very few seconds before death?

Goal- A warning.
Other- Himself
Tactic- Pleading
Expectation- For the audience or his child to not make the same mistakes as he did to meet the same                        fate.

I was asked to monitor what things or foods effect my baseline. Well, after yoga and gym time I feel at my best. No lie after a great pump I feel like I can run through brick walls. The yoga is quite relaxing for me. Although Shannon does a meditation exercise to try to rid us of any foreign contaminant of the mind, Lt. Benjamin Keating never leaves. If you don't know who this true American Hero is then look him up.

Yoga?!

Ok so today (14 May 2015) was my first day of Acting Fundamentals I. Mind Bloooooown! Ha, I had no idea I was going to be doing yoga! It's absolutely fine with me as I have been meaning to try it out to increase my flexibility. I have a lot of mobility issues and will benefit from yoga so no qualms here!

I also have to keep a nutrition journal. If I could get my diet under control I would be an animal in the exercises I do. I've tried Paleo, small portions, blah blah blah. Maybe if I had a real understanding of how to eat to perform, I could stick to a performance driven eating habit. So today I had my coffee with creamer, a Honey peanut-butter and Jelly sammich! Yes, I intentionally misspelled sandwich. Sammich just sounds better. My memory sucks so I can't remember what the hell I ate for dinner. I know I went to the gym though and killed a WOD or should I say the WOD killed me! Oh wait my wife just reminded me. I ate a killer baked potato from Spud Ranch. Chicken and broc baked tater was so damn good. Mmmmm! Delish!

I also found my monologue. It's from the voice over in the opening scene of Empire starring one of my favorite actors and comedians, John Leguizamo!

How can using robotics and coding benefit students in the classroom?

 1. It's fun!
 2. It's engaging.
 3. Stimulates creativity.
 4. Hones critical thinking skills.
 5. Problem-based Learning.
 6. Applicable to real life.
 7. Develops social and collaborative skills.

Those are just a few reasons why I think usage is beneficial. Of course fun is always a motivational factor when it comes to learning with kids. But what better grounds for learning than active engagement?!

For our assignment in class, we were given Lego robotics with instructions to build a car and program it to move here and there and turn. Well the  instructions for building were great until we had to build our own front axle and wheels on our own due to missing parts! It was great because it presented my partner and I with a problem, forced us to communicate and collaborate, and learn through trial and error. Of course, being the college geniuses that we are, we created the perfect axle.

My partner took charge of the actual programming since he has had prior experience but when it initially didn't work I was able to see that his wiring was incorrect. Go me!

Just by my short experience alone, I feel that incorporating robotics and coding can be an effective instrument in learning. Being a preprofessional History teacher, I see incorporating the Scratch program into my classroom. For instance, I can have a project option for a historical event to be to create an animation using the MIT Scratch program. Students can recreate historical events by using simple code commands to achieve their desired effects.

Overall robotics and programming is an awesome tool for the facilitation of learning. Use it teachers!

Copy https://scratch.mit.edu/ to check out what people have created with Scratch!

Student X

Wow! Today I left the high school I'm shadowing at very frustrated and honestly hurt. Before I get into that, let me tell you about NPR's report about teaching.
So Eric Westervelt of All Things Considered wrote a piece called "Where Have All the Teachers Gone?" He said that many of the states that turn out large amounts of teachers have taken a hit in the education field. He pointed out that "in California, enrollment is down 53 percent over the past five years" and that "it's down sharply in New York and Texas." One interviewee, a senior in college questioned her future as an educator because schools are "obsessed with testing and standards."

From my experience just today I can tell you why enrollment is down here in Texas. There I am in class standing and watching the last few US American History students of 8th period take their exam. I'm besides my teacher as she is grading the work that was due prior to the test and in walks a lady with a few packets of paper. She asks my teacher if she had a student named "X." My teacher nods and the lady says that X is going to have to take the End of Course exam (EOC) for US American History in a few weeks. My teacher looks at the lady and says, "He just got here. He has missed the entire first half of the course. How do they expect him to pass the exam if he hasn't been in school?!" So apparently this student left his hometown and went to Puerto Rico for several months and didn't attend school there. Then left PR to another state for 17 days and enrolled in school but again did not attend. Now he's at my high school and since he is in 11th grade, he is expected to take and pass the EOC. After explaining to me and the lady all of this my teacher said, "I'll sign it but I don't agree with it."

I told my teacher that I didn't get it. How is the child expected to succeed if he hasn't had the course in its entirety? They are setting up the child for failure. I asked my teacher who is forcing him to take this exam? Her reply, "The State." WTF?!?!?! I understand there are standards but as my teacher said, "The state should review such cases individually." My teacher said that the students self-esteem towards his academics is quite low already because he is beyond behind. The other day in class he got 8 questions done out of approximately 30 in 50 minutes only because my teacher did a one-on-one session with him. Now does that sound like a well prepared student? I think not.

The ISD in which I am in has approximately 147 TEKS (State standards) for 11th grade Am. Hist. Again 147 TEKS in which all are testable. These so called standards are mostly documents, people, acts, court cases, etc. That is not what History is about. History to me is about relating what happened yesterday to what is going on today. It's about seeing, hearing, and reading the ideas and events of yesterday and arguing interpretations based on the evidence given or researched. History is not History when it's this date and that, or this dead white old guy here, and this act passed. It's about WHY and WHAT was going on that this needed to be passed or whatever the situation. These kids are not interested in timelines and they shouldn't be. History did not occur in a linear fashion but through blood shed, verbal battles and penned ideas. These young adults should be TAUGHT the beginning of this nation by analyzing primary sources and through discussion. In the Army we used to say all classes were taught with "Death by Powerpoint." These young adults should not be subjected to such cruelty. Actively engaging the students' intelligences is the only way they are really going to make the connection of history to today. It's the only way for them to truly learn. Memorization is not learning. Regurgitation of information is not learning. But application to real life of critical thinking skills obtained by evidence-based arguments over historical documentation? Now that's learning. Let's teach students how to think and argue rather than a date. The date will come to them while they argue.

MOOC Review for Class

OK so I checked out and signed up for my first MOOC (Massive Open Online Courses). I went to
Coursera and found a History class on JFK called The Kennedy Half Century. The host university is Virginia and the professor is Prof. Larry J. Sabato.

I chose this course because I know little of the Kennedy Era and Prof. Sabato promised to cover JFK from his rise to power and the effects of his legacy. The course is a series of video lectures given by Prof. Sabato and range from 5 to 20 minutes long. The entire course is broken up into 4 modules with sub-sections. At the end of the fourth module there is final exam. It consists of 10 questions though it is not specified whether they are short answers or multiple-choice.

I liked the knowledge I was gaining via the video lectures. Prof. Sabato evidently knew his subject well and that was projected through is lectures. I also like that this MOOC was self-paced and that I could pause and rewind to take notes or just listen to the information again. Another great asset the MOOC offered was that it had a class discussion board and a Twitter account. Both could be used to ask questions and further understand the ideas explored.

What I didn't necessarily favor was that this MOOC in particular, has certain instruction dates, so the course had already ended but I was still able to access the lessons.

I love the idea of Massive Open Online Courses. They can serve as CEUs and to furthers one own understanding of a certain subject. I want to teach History so what better way to gain more knowledge about Kennedy than taking a self-paced online course from a highly qualified professor for FREE!?!?! I plan to be a forever student anyways and MOOCs allow for us learning-lovers to continue learning with out depleting our accounts like secondary institutions do today.

For Classroom Applications of Technology

     I believe that the usage of Wiki pages may be great for when I teach 9-12 History. For example, when covering the impacts of the institution of slavery, my students can create a Wiki page. The students can create their own page with all the information they feel is relevant to the topic. Relevant materials would include legislation, dates, people and maybe some rebellions. The students could share links to primary sources with a quote from these first hand accounts. Behind the page, the students can use the discussion boards for communication and sharing links and ideas they feel is important. Here they can argue their ideas based upon the evidence they have discovered. This evidence-based arguing is perhaps the most important skill that they will take away form my history class. This is a skill that is applicable to their daily life. I also like that as a teacher I can monitor which students are actively participating in the assignment. The Wiki page would be an active collaboration between the entire class. This assignment would further develop social and teamwork skills. I hope to one day incorporate a Wiki page in my curriculum and pray that it allows for the students to actively learn. 

Are you my Daddy?!

I had the funniest thing happen to me while leaving the high school I am conducting my observations at. I noticed a clean cut Latino kid stop, whip out his ear bud, eyes grow big, and with all seriousness look me in the eye and ask, "Poppy? Daddy? Are you my Dad?!" Shocked and with a nervous quake in my voice, I quickly denied such allegations! We immediately began laughing and I really questioned my past relationships for a split second ;).

My first post.

This blog is being started for my Classroom Applications of Technology course. I am pretty excited about this. I usually write in a journal because it's a lot faster for me to hand write something rather type it. Hopefully, I can improve my typing skills and speed.

My buddy Keith came up with the name "Combat to Classroom" while sitting here in the Veteran's Lounge at TLU. I chose this title because I hope to highlight my struggles and accomplishments as a veteran, a father, a student, and eventually one day as a teacher. I know that writing is a form of therapy that I should be using since I haven't talked to anybody in the VA for in what seems like forever. Between physical exercise and writing I hope to maintain a healthy state of mind.

OK, please feel free to ask me questions on anything! I hope to write more about everyday life and the things I am learning in school. I will eventually share some of my experiences in combat.